Nothing else will. I frigging hate the life of a zombie, to tell you the truth. The scientists and the soldiers in the top secret underground lab where they kept us treated us like animals. We’re not mindless brutes with a ravenous hunger for human flesh. We’re just recently deceased people who have been brought back to life. I don’t have the desire to eat people, or hurt anybody. Except maybe the asshole Wilson and my lousy ex-girlfriend Kimberly, the bitch who betrayed me. I wouldn’t mind going all movie zombie on them, I’ll tell you that much right now. But that’s only because they have it coming. They murdered me and sold me to the government like a piece of meat. That is just wrong and a violation of my human rights, even though I’m not human anymore. My fellow zombies and I try to stick together in the lab. The humans are constantly prodding us with electrified sticks to see if we can still feel pain. We don’t feel pain anymore but I’ll be damned if I let some motherfucker or. I think they’re jealous, red is so ... outstanding than boring old yellow. I hope your brothers and —”“No, Mummy, they were defending me, telling our cousins off for being cruel and nasty.”“Good, I know you’ve always protected them Robbie, even though you were the last egg to hatch, you’ve always been like a big brother to them.”“Well, Mum, although we squabble over the odd caterpillar, I love all my brothers and sisters. Look, there’s a good nesting site just a foot above our nest in the old tree stump. I scouted it out this morning. Can we meet there?”“Of course.”They landed at the crack in the tree stump above the blue tit nest and Mrs Blue Tit called out for Mr Blue Tit to come upstairs.“It’s really roomy in here,” Mr Blue Tit said when he flew up.“And the view’s better,” Robbie said a little embarrassed, his red breast getting redder. “Maybe when I get a girlfriend ... my cousin May keeps bumping into me and passed me half a grub at school dinners.”“Aah,” Mr Blue Tit coughed,.
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