"Let's do it." So it shall be," I said. Oh, there was still turmoil in my head. But there was a big spot of thought that was settled. And very happy. Looking at a smile I would come to know and savor, apparently so was Kim. My Kim.We did drive through the countryside, autumn in the Deep South being different than up north, and a riverside park provided us a place to spread that blanket out.I did the spreading. Kim knelt in the middle of it, and for the first time, I could really LOOK at her without feelings of guilt or worry that she'd see me looking longer than was acceptable. Her face turned toward me. A zephyr blew a wisp of hair across her face and she shook it back in place with a toss of her head, leaving her bangs in delicious disarray. Her blue eyes. The slight smile on her lips. Trusting. She extended her hand."Here. Beside me." She said it with serious tone. I complied.She got close to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. The little kiss last night? Today's was better.. " You won't. You can't, but you don't get it do you. Things like tonight, the whole point is being in the moment - that moment, and that's what it is, a moment, you can live it but you can't get it back, so it can't be ruined. You're scared that if you say you didn't have a good time it'll ruin it for me. It won't, it can't because the moment is gone." But..." Dan please stop saying but and just tell me. I hate having to talk to you like this. If you hated it we'll learn from it, we won't do it again. Please tell me." I was on the edge of blind panic the whole time. I was scared shitless the whole time. It's a wonder I didn't pass out. I kept telling myself what you said - push it so far that any way back will feel safe. It's fine in theory, I get the idea, but doing it is… um, well not the same as thinking about it or talking about it." And I never guessed, not for one second. Not until now. Everybody in that room thought you were totally cool." What did you think?"June.
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