At least that's what I allow myself to think.It's really because David likes it.Not much of a victory, but a victory nonetheless. I shave myself for David.You don't understand, do you?Neither do I.Like I said, I liked what I see ... It is just so sad, that I hate who I am. Or at least, what someone else wants me to be.I'm a bitch.There, I said it. I'm a bitch. I don't want to be but I am, that's all there is to it. I want to be nice to people, I despise myself when I play my games, but I can't help it. I feel like a puppet sometimes, like I'm dancing to someone else's tune while they pull the strings of my life.I try to cry about it when I'm alone here in my bedroom, but I can't even do that.In the middle of the night ... you know that feeling when you don't know whether you are asleep or awake? Your mind just floats somewhere in the cosmos and you don't think about anything at all, at least nothing you can remember when the light of day finally opens your eyes.Well, I remember!Not. . experimenting, I guess," I said, shifting in my chair. "Oh, honey, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable! I just thought that since we seem to get along so well... that maybe you would be up for a little fun while we're here," Karen said, taking my hand across the table. "It's okay, I guess I didn't realize you were... " I said, letting the end of the sentence drop. "A lesbian? Yes I am. I wasn't always; at one time I was engaged to be married to a guy who I thought was my dream guy. But I found out he would rather fuck my bridesmaid than marry me, so I let him. After seeing my father fuck around for years on my mother, I was determined not to have that happen to me. But my fiancé didn't see things the same way as me, so when I caught him in bed with Marie, I walked out on him and on males in general," Karen said. "Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry," I said, mainly because that was all I could come up with. "Oh, it's fine. I have gotten past it. I find all I need in other women and I.
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