It was if she was if she were trying to compress a lifetime into a few spans of time. I would soon wish I had paid closer attention to this feeling. One Monday in January 1981 almost five months after she was born, I came home for lunch, as I walked into the living room Bethany who was sitting in her swing, broke out into one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen from her, and it warmed my heart. This is strange I thought, normally she cries when I come in, we still hadn’t grown very close and our interactions usually upset her. A little over four hours later as I pulled her limp body from her crib, a victim of what we would later learn was S.I.D.S. That smile would be the most precious gift I had ever received from her. As I relive that time my mind races along a narrow corridor, a few moments of history etched in my memory by fear and terror. Everything is in slow motion, as I remember her lips were so cold as I was trying to breathe life back into her. I prayed for her to cry out. Usually it was for the men although once in a while a woman could be washed that way too. “Ohhhhhhh no…uh uhhh Joe,” she said as she shook her head. “I can’t. You wouldn’t.” But all he did was smile as he looked at his former assistant in her eyes. “No way Joe,” she added and as he nodded his head. “I’d be gentle. You know I would be. I wouldn’t be rough at all, Darlene. You know I’d be that way for sure.” He was probably right. Seeing as neither of them were in the military any longer she knew he’d probably and most likely be sweet and gentle and to have her body washed down by his hands, all over the place too, she’d easily, more then she would expect, enjoy every last inch of her body as he leisurely and unhurriedly washed it from top to bottom. All of it too she told herself. “Okay but only if you do it…you know, gently.” “When do we do it? After dinner?” he said. “Yes, after dinner,” she came back a little nervously. Dinner was over and they sat and talked. But as they talked he.
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