We are not going to remove anything from you?we are, instead, going to give you a gift. One of our fetuses is going to be placed inside of you so that you may bring it to term. This will take approximately four of your months at which time we shall return and remove it from your body." "Sure, fine?whatever," I telepathed woozily. "Should we fail to return at the appointed time," another emitted, "you will be directed to one of the human doctors who assists us in these matters so that the child will be born without undue publicity." "Well, that's a relief," thought I not entirely to myself, because if it got out that a GU?WAIT!" "Hit the Chronosynclastic Sedation Ray!" telepathed the Leader, "The earth female grows hysterical again." "No?but wait!" I thought at them frantically. "You don't underst?." and then I was out. Unconsiousness Major. And then the Men Without Hats came dancing by just like in that 80s video?only it seemed to me that the lyrics had changed slightly. "You. I called downstairs and asked Mum to come to my room. She came in and asked what I wanted. They were the first words she'd spoken to me since that day she posed in her undies. I showed Mum the topless photo of her on my computer screen. She commented that she hoped I'd enjoyed pulling myself off to it. I didn't jump to the bait and just clicked on the mouse button. The image of Mum on the screen was now replaced by a list of e-mail addresses. Mum studied them. She should have recognised those of her friends. But she could be forgiven for not knowing those of her doctor, her dentist, her boss at work, the old guy next door who is always peering at her when she sunbathes and finally Uncle Bob, who's always had the eye for her. Mum still hadn't caught on, so I asked her what she thought might happen if all of these people were to somehow be sent the topless photo of her. The penny finally dropped. 'What do you want?' she asked me. 'Well Mum, as you said, your photos are good for.
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