Jeez … there was a time that I use to walk around smiling all the time, giddy even, just happy. I want those days back. Why can’t I reached out and grab them? It’s always easier for people to ask me this. Things are always easier said then done. And it is not that I do not want a change of my own, it is simple like I said before … I can not make out the light at the end of my own tunnel. I miss having someone look at me when I say or do something silly, you know that look, their expression and smile just says it all … How they love how crazy you are, how I cry during movies. No matter how busy I am … since I was two years of age, I will stop what I am doing to watch a commercial. Why is it that the person I have chosen to live my life with cannot find these things about me adorable, enduring even? I almost rubbed fenders with another car the other day watching a couple kiss and embrace the other day on the sidewalk. My eyes welled up with tears. I can’t remember the last times I was. After midnight everybody was a little bit tired; so each couple headed to the bedrooms. I touched Ana in bed; but she said she was tired to have sex…I awoke after two hours and got there staring at the ceiling. Then I heard someone from the other bedroom get up and go down stairs. A few seconds later, Ana up in her bed and quietly called over to me to see if I was awake.I thought that she probably wanted me to get her a glass of water and not being in the mood to get up I pretended to be sleeeping as a log and stood quietly on my side. Anita then got out of the bed and very quietly went over to the partly opened door and hesitated as if she was listening to see who was down stairs. She then quietly opened the door and slipped out into the hallway. I thought she was just going to the bathroom; but I never saw the light turning on…Then I quietly got out of bed and peeked out into the hallway just in time to see her go into the kitchen at the bottom of the stairs. I could hear whispering.
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