Come to bed.”I shook my head. “I can't leave her, Polly.”“She smiled. “Go on then but, please, drink some wine.” I sipped some wine and started to read again.“Harry asked my father for my hand. Father was delighted. He liked Harry and knew him to be a successful man who would provide for me. In July 1828 we married. I moved into his house in Belgravia after our honeymoon. That had had to be short, for Harry was committed to a large bridge project in Scotland and so we honeymooned there, in Edinburgh. I did my wifely duty, although I found it loathsome. Maria had taken my virginity. Harry seemed not to notice but, I suspect, that was because, no matter how successful he might have been as an engineer, as a lover he was totally inexperienced. How, looking back, I am glad she had taken it. At least I gave her that, if I could not, in life, give her more.“I dreaded that I might become pregnant but, thank the stars, I did not. Our honeymoon concluded, I returned alone to. He is very good to me. And he is faithful and loves our children with all his heart. He is a good man." There followed a long silence. Finally she spoke again. "But........." she said letting the silence speak volumes for her. "Though I have tried as hard as I can" she said with obvious effort of will "I cannot love him. I do not love him." She took another sip and set down her cup. "I do not know why. There is something wrong with me. I must live with a man I do not love." She looked up at me with an emptiness in her eyes seemed to go on forever; an emptiness that seemed to plead for compassion, for absolution "I live with a man I do not love. That makes me a whore, James. That is why I do the drugs." I wanted to touch her, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but it woud have been a lie. "No, Anita," I said, trying to sound convincing. "You are not a whore..." "I AM A WHORE" she suddenly shouted slaming her fist down on the table. For a.
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