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But I was becoming bitter towards them and their relentless intrusions. In truth, I wanted to ignore everything I was feeling. I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, let along actually admit the current situation was painful to me. Self denial has always been my route. Therefore I began making excuses as to why he wasn’t around anymore, when in angered truth I didn’t know myself. The lies were comforting, but even I knew they wouldn’t restrain the agony running ramped through my veins, like a hurricane just below the surface. The world and I have never come to an agreement, it kept spinning when I had long since been thrown off. Regardless of my rough exterior, a friend came through. Offering the stone cold theory that James was my drug, and I was literally going through withdrawals in his absence. The reality of that statement came crashing down, just as he took one last step off the planet, and surprisingly my world didn’t come to a halt. So what was the point in all of. She acted like she was Mata Hari but the fact was she was a Florida cracker and didn’t even speak a word of any foreign language other than the gutter English that she picked up in the school system and on the street playing with the other kids of mostly dark skinned and Hispanic parents. I felt sorry for her because she was like a third class citizen not even good enough to be in the second class status because of her oriental features. She was popular with the military guys on an overnight pass from the nearby base because those guys figured she was not a real American like they were with generational advantage. Sometimes she would play like she didn’t understand English that well and the guys ate it up calling her a “Gook bitch” and other things too nasty to even mention.Her name was Sunny and she had a bright disposition despite the cards she had been dealt from the bottom of the deck. I confess I loved her perfect tiny ass and she was always super clean even after a heavy date..
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