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Despite that, he was there, holding Aedan’s arm over his shoulder, cradling his head, hiding in the shadows as effortlessly as she did when he went ahead to scout. He moved with undeniable grace despite his injuries, helping her manage the mage’s blundering, borrowing her bow and taking an extremely difficult shot at a guard who’d been about to raise the alarm. Weeks of captivity had taken their toll on his body, but the muscles were still there, and it was clear he was well-used to drawing a bow.He held the door for her and Kallian when they arrived back at Eamon’s, silently reassuring the elf girl with a gentle smile, careful not to touch her even when she helped him, careful to avoid stepping into Leliana’s personal space. He was always so careful – Leliana couldn’t help but wonder if he had always been so deliberate and thoughtful, or if it was a response to his ordeal.She’d offered to help him get settled at Eamon’s once Aedan had been taken care of – he needed someone to show. As convenient as these moments can be they are not precious to me. In fact a new body and life only helps to hammer in more deeply the biggest pain life gives you. In life it is very, very hard to be who you are, society tries to shape you into whom it wants you to be instead. Society says that men don?t cry and that ladies shouldn?t raise their voice. Society tries to stomp out our emotions and kill who we really are. After being changed it is worse, much worse. You see after being changed you stay who you are in your mind. Twenty something years of personal history is very hard to throw away over night. There is no magic to wearing girl's clothes, or to sex, or to hormones. Heck, ask any scientist, hormones may amplify emotions but they do not create them or control them. With time you do adapt to the change, but adaptation does not mean you love it. You keep your old mind but have to act like someone else to survive. It makes the oppression of day to day life much worse. I step.
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