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Beanie and I spent our first night together. She cried herself to sleep in my arms, as far as I knew Mandy spent the night with motherWhile I was at home we had agreed that Beanie and I would be married as soon as I was eighteen, and before I was called up for the army. Both our mothers gave their wholehearted approval. We were delighted, and I was looking forward to a married life with Beanie. We seemed so well suited. My thoughts were turning towards where we were going to live and I was actively considering various options.London at this time was packed with troops and fair mixtures of foreign uniforms from the Commonwealth and Europe were to be seen throughout the City. Many of the uniforms were from troops who had escaped the German invasion of their country after Dunkirk The ships somehow managed to keep going, and although the U Boats were obviously winning the war at sea, yet there was an undoubted air of optimism running through the nation as little trickles of optimistic. Even though I was aroused, I was not totally relaxed. Iwas distracted by the fear that his thickness wouldchoke me, and I was acutely aware I was skating on thebrink of disaster. I wanted to give in, to offer noresistance, to let go of the fear of choking. I literally opened my mouth as wide as I could in agesture of surrender, hoping that my throat wouldrespond in a similar manner and allow me to breathe. Irepeated this several times before I felt the threat ofchoking begin to ebb as my body relaxed. I pressed mylips gently around the base of his shaft and practicedtaking in small quantities of air through my nose. Myheart beat fast as I thrilled at being able toaccommodate him so dramatically.Then, without warning, the gag reflex kicked in and Ichoked. I panicked and immediately backed off to catchmy breath. Moments later, after several deep gulps ofair, the crisis over, I felt the icky coolness of guiltweighing me down. I felt that I had failed by takingback what I had willingly.
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