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Embarrassed, humiliated, and ashamed, I scrambled about in the dark, locating my clothes. I tried to be graceful about my defeat and I spoke to him as I slid on my t-shirt. “Oh, that’s ok, I fully understand.” Nonchalantly, I pulled on my shorts, continuing the conversation, “ I would probably keep you awake anyway.” He rose from the bed, searching for his clothes. He inched closer and closer to me. With every step he took, my rage and hurt began to build. I quickly retreated to his tiny bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I stared at myself in the mirror. “You stupid slut,” I muttered to myself, “You got what you deserved.” The tears began to fall. I flushed the toilet to cover the noise of my sobs. Splashing cold water on my face, I tried to regain composure and formulate the lie. The lie that he had not hurt my feelings, the lie that he could not hurt my feelings, and the biggest lie of them all, that I did not love him and what had occurred was merely sex, nothing more. I. I had walked by their house several times in the past four weeks, but nothing ever changed. The cars didn't move, but the grass was being mowed by a service. Becky and Cody continued to spend their evenings together, sometimes including me, but almost always allowing "private time". Becky told me one morning while we were washing the school buses that she had become quite talented at giving a boy oral sex. I began to wonder if I would ever get the opportunity. There are plenty of "unattached" guys that hang in our group, but none seem to be attracted to me. I heard one guy tell another that he "should really think hard about cutting in on Brandon." I wanted to scream, "But Brandon's not here," but I couldn't make myself do that yet. The first weekend in July, a For Sale sign went up in their front yard. That afternoon, one of his best friends said that Brandon's dad had received a big promotion which required them to move overseas for several years. I was stunned--disappointed and.
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