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The black memory of my betrayal was always there inside me, but I could keep it buried then and he never knew. When he died and I was alone again after so long, I could no longer push it down. It kept bubbling up, tormenting me. I couldn't sleep. I began hiding from life and the few friends I have left. I knew I had to do something." Did you ever try... " Yes. She died young, unmarried. Cancer." So I was your idea of an exorcism?" Yes, a symbolic consummation of what never was, but should have been. I hoped that in the firelight you would become her, the Nicola I so cruelly abandoned. I hoped that holding you, whispering my love to her, begging forgiveness, I could forgive myself and find some measure of peace.I rock her in my arms until the tears stop, her eyes close, and slumber takes her. I have a little think, then let it take me, too. I wake early the next morning as I usually do. Constance is still sleeping soundly, as she had done all night. I slip quietly out and make my way. " Yes, I remember you, Martin. What's up? Are you thinking of taking AP Biology next year?" Uh, no, Mr. Oceano. I have been talking to Ms. Sidemore, the counselor, about taking AP Chemistry II next semester. She said that as a prerequisite I was supposed to take and pass the AP Biology final this year." Hmm, I don't recall anything like that. You said Ms. Sidemore discussed this?"Damn! I was afraid of that. "Yes, Mr. Oceano. She first proposed that I take a special exam, but then agreed that taking the actual Biology final would be better." I now recall her asking about making up and administering a special exam a week or so ago, but then she said it wasn't necessary any more, so I didn't pursue it. As I recall, she didn't want to give me much time to prepare and I wasn't really happy with that. So, it was for you?" Yes, Sir. I want to make sure I can come to your final, and whether there were any other special arrangements I should know about." Well, I see no problem with you taking.
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