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Her new husband was younger than her, and the Mahoney's were a perfect family to live in our house. Their daughter, Erin was a very cute girl. She was full of energy and sass through her toddler and adolescent years. At around the time she turned 15, she began to get in trouble a lot. Nothing terrible, to start off, but just the kind of things that teenagers manage to get themselves into. Things like staying out after the town curfew and mouthy things in school and toward her parents. When she turned 18, she got arrested for u******e drinking and defacing a traffic sign. She was sent to a juvenile detention center for three weeks by the judge. She became increasingly difficult for her parents which resulted in a lot of yelling and banging. They were like family; we just put up with it and felt terrible for her parents. We felt bad for Erin as well. She was a beautiful girl. Thin, long brown hair, blue eyes. Very good looking and always had a date or a boyfriend. Despite her problems,. Orgasmic.? Until now.?Since I?ve been having this nightmare, I haven?t had good sex with myhusband.? ?But you do have an orgasm in the dream?? ?Yes, every time.? ?You?re afraid that an aspect of your past will ruin your future.? The words seemed to echo inmy ears, hovering around my head.? Dr. Mintner went on, ?Do you---? ?I don?t want to talk aboutit anymore,? I told him.? ?I reallydon?t.? ?Why?? ?I don?t feel very goodright now.? ?You have a lot of fixations, the most paramount of which is fearof seeming weak to others.? You associatebeing upset with being weak.? It?s notthough.??He was silent for a minute.? ?Ithink it?s important that you keep coming here.? I nodded.? And then I left, never to go back.? And so I struggled on alone, neverconfronting my shame and guilt, and never feeling any relief from it. I?ve spent a lot of timethinking about my feelings and have discovered two things.? The first is that there is a hidden nature toshame.? I am speaking of genuine shame,not some.
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