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I added fuel to the fire, “Well, I sure would like it, and I suspect you would too.” I stopped breathing, and Tommy likely did too, waiting for Samantha to respond. She looked back and forth between us, then drew a breath and reached behind, untying the top to her bikini. She removed it, wadded it up and tossed it into the companionway. Leaning against the bulkhead at one end of the settee, she faced Tommy and me with bare breasts and quietly asked, “Is this what you guys had in mind?” No answer was necessary, and no answer could have told of the sensations felt, as Tommy and I visually devoured the sight of Samantha, topless. In the conversation that ensued, no mention, reference or inference was made as to her near nudity, and although each of us knew an important boundary had been crossed, the fun and camaraderie we had shared at the night club, continued as if nothing had changed. An hour out from shore, Tommy asked me to take the helm. Imitating Samantha’s position opposite, he. She grabbed her journal that sat on the table and an ink pen. She turned to a blank page. She stared at it for a few minutes before actually writing anything. Guilt ridden, she wrote these words: I am a slave to the pain and taste, feel and touch of sex. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand.
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