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Dad started cleaning up. He removed his rain suit, tied a knot in each leg then gathered up the remainder of the items he had brought with him. He used the pants as a bag and put his stuff in it. He washed up the pot he had used and returned it to the cabinet. As an afterthought Dad retrieved one of the handles and give each man one more good whack across the ass. He put the handle back and walked around in front of the table squatted down till he was at eye level with the three men. He told them to listen and listen well. Just so you know the tears in your eyes and the puke and shit running from your mouths brings joy to my heart. You will not die from what I have done here today, I don’t want you dead, I want you to live and remember.Dad moved over in front of his uncle, looked him in the eyes and told him “ I know you and these assholes had something to do with the death of my Dad and you were either involved or knew about the death of my Mom. I want you to remember. There is bound to be someone who will get angry at my attitude about this and believe that I do not deserve to have a child if this is how I really regard them, my former Dom told me as much. I have seen my friends become livid at me, but the truth is that I do not believe that feeling this way and not talking about it helps anyone, because if I do that then the people around me will never understand why it is that I just haven’t taken their advice, if I don’t pay them the courtesy of telling them how I feel… in any event, I suppose I thought that that was what one did with one’s friends and relatives. This piece has been hard for me to write for many reasons. I know that it is a ‘journal’ of my thoughts about my IVF. When I mentioned my upcoming IVF last year to some of my friends in The Playground one of them suggested that I blog about it and I thought at the time that that would have been a good idea. I was so excited about the prospect of sharing my battle (and I was arrogant.
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