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. I just had to ring you, I’ve thought about you every day, I just wondered how you were, how things are going with ‘her’, if I could meet up with you some time, quietly though, she mustn’t know or she would keep me away from you for ever...hello, are you still there?”“Ye. .ye, yes, I’m still here. Yes, I would love to see you, when, where and sure, let’s keep this quiet, she’s such a bitch.”“How about tonight after you leave school, I could meet you and we could go for a walk.”“That sounds great, do you know which school I go to, and I leave at four, how will I know you?”“Slow down s*s, tell me which school and I will be outside on my bike. I’ll have jeans, denim jacket and an Adidas hat on. Hold on, I just thought, I don’t know who to look out for either, describe yourself.”“Well I will have my uniform on, but that doesn’t help, so will everyone else. I tell you what, I’ll roll my socks down, tie my blazer round my waist and carry my bag under my arm, is that ok?” “Ok s*s,. The story was made into a film and a stage play. Recently it has been made into a musicalThe writer has a healthy respect for the Women’s Institute and in no way would wish to denigrate that fine organisation.The following is a tongue-in-cheek story inspired by The Calendar Girls:‘And now ladies, I will announce the results of the home made preserves contest: In third place was Mrs Patterson’s beetroot chutney. The second prize goes to Mrs Hamilton-Smythe with her celery and walnut conserve. The first prize once again is taken by the Reverend Betty Finch with her delicious damson jam.’A ripple of applause rang round the Widebotham village hall.The chairman, Mrs Elsie Rippendale, a relative newcomer to the village having lived there for a mere twenty years was still viewed with a degree of suspicion by some of the members. How had she, a Leeds woman, a newcomer to the Dales risen to assume the chairmanship? A relative stranger from the big city. The cheek of it.Mrs Rippendale.
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