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We were seeing each other for about a month and he was fucking me like crazy to where I’d wear him out and he’d sleep a lot afterwards while I’d amuse myself looking at all of his collected wares while listening to classic Hollywood music and then he felt it was getting to serious and even though I didn’t understand it at the time, he said our age difference was a problem. I remember how upset I was at the time, but now I can understand how a vast age difference is mostly good for hot sex, but for something serious it’s better to be with someone who I can relate to around my own age. This took me several years to learn and many sexual encounters and brief love affairs with countless older men. Eventually, I left the department store in San Mateo all together and got a job at a men’s clothing store on Castro Street, coordinating shifts between there and the muffin shop. The clothing store was fun and looking back I can see how I was one of the “twinks” the owner liked to hire to. " You're sorry? What are you sorry for? Because you're not getting any of it?"It was here that she began crying. Don't do that. Please don't. Not again."I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were hurt again. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I'm such a bastard."She was still crying. Quietly, like everything else. I could hear more ticking of sleet against the window than I could hear Elizabeth cry in little sighs. I reached out to touch her shoulder."Don't!" She swung away from me, to the window again. After a minute I took the mug to the kitchen because I couldn't stand it.When I came back she wasn't crying. She began talking almost right away, in flat, tough-sounding tones, without looking at me."Tell me something." What?" Did you ever care for me at all?"I didn't answer. I wouldn't. I don't think she really wanted an answer. Let her talk, then go."Did you? Or was it all a plan to get what you wanted? Was it just your way of getting into my pants, of getting into my.
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