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’ I was 12 and smart enough to know a dead end when I heard one. ‘If you’re no cowhand, what are you?’ ‘Just a man.’ Not a poor man. His gear was nice. Broken in but not worn. A little prettied up, but not gaudy. I knew because that was the kind of thing I liked to see. I hoped to be a saddlemaker, one day. Ma always said I was addled to think so. It wasn’t ‘fit woman’s work’. But, from haunting the local saddlery, I knew a saddlemaker had to know about all kinds of leather gear, not just saddles, and sometimes he – she – had to make it pretty. ‘I sure admire that beaded scabbard. Never saw anything like that before.’ ‘It’s Kiowa made.’ I didn’t know anybody who was an Indian, let alone Kiowa. ‘Is Geronimo a Kiowa? I heard somethin’ about him in school. Do you know Geronimo?’ ‘Geronimo is Cherrycow Apache. No, girl, I don’t know him.’ He seemed faintly amused. ‘You ask a lot of questions.’ ‘My teacher says that’s how we learn things. Asking questions. Don’t you ask questions?’. I didn't fire Joshua. I didn't say anything. Kat knows better than to tell me about him, but sometimes I wish that she would. I'd like him to eat at my table, thinking I know nothing about their exploits. He'd tell me how he doesn't want anything improper -- I'd make him tell me that. He'd tell me he aims to marry her. But I'd know all along where they've been. I know what they look like together.I could lie awake at night knowing he's snuck in through her bedroom window, listening carefully for the gentle squeaking of her boxspring.It's beautiful because my daughter is beautiful.Joshua will be back in the spring. But since harvest ended, Katherine has been different. Well, the same as she used to be. She goes out riding once a day, but she always comes right home. Stays for dinner every night. Never goes out. I could almost believe she hasn't seen him since that day. I could almost believe she was wholly mine.Since that day, I've stopped reminding myself that she's my daughter. I am.
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