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"Heh, I can still crack a smile. That's encouraging, if a day late and abuck short.I didn't perform any rituals when I decided to end my life. I didn't dressup nicely, clean the house or order a dozen McRibs. It was a spur of themoment decision, years of hatred and self-loathing burying me beneath anavalanche of frozen despair. I just couldn't take it any more: Staringinto the mirror, my reflection a monument to my failures as a human being.Never fading, challenging me endlessly, reminding me of what I lacked. Ofhow I was deficient. Defective. Malformed and twisted. A broken humanbeing, who should have never been released to the public.I've always thought that being transgendered is proof positive that god isa prankster. Why? Because even the most loathsome, sexual deviants in theworld are more than capable of fulfilling their twisted desires.Bestiality is just a quick trip to the petting zoo. Necrophiliacs onlyneed a shovel and a jar of lube.All I ever wanted was to be female. Not. I don't think that change in vitamins is working the way it was supposedto. If I was having an allergic reaction to the old prescription, I'mhaving the same reaction to the new prescription - maybe even a littleworse. It seems like the swelling in my chest is getting a littlebigger, and my nipples are so tender now that I have to be careful whatkind of tops I wear. I put on a rough cotton blouse the other day andthe feeling of my nipples rubbing against the rough fabric was soirritating that I had to take it off immediately. I haven't saidanything about this to Mom. I've been wearing looser and baggy tops, nosheer fabrics, so that nothing shows thru so I don't believe that she'saware of the further changes. It's not that I feel sick or anything so Ihaven't felt any urgency about discussing it with her.I figured that I'd just wait awhile and see if things went back tonormal. Actually, to tell the truth, there's one part about it that Ilike. When I lie in bed in the morning and play.
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