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"On the off chance that you somehow managed to forget since you just woke up—or maybe you're just a narcissistic bastard who loves hearing about yourself—your name is John Doe. You're 22 years of age. You stand at an height of 5'10" with brown eyes and a head of messy brown hair which is rather difficult to look at. Christ, man. Ever heard of a haircut? No? Let's take it a step back, then: do you know what a comb is?"Has everyone got this much snark where he's from?"Thankfully, John, your lack of serious health problems or damaging medical history has kept you alive and well so far. Your grades in high school weren't the best, but fuck actually trying, right?" he says with a laugh before taking another brief sip of tea. "Your performance was enough to get you into a somewhat decent college which you promptly enrolled into. Ever since you started there at Whatever-The-Bloody-Hell-It-Was-Called University, you've been living on your own in a small but workable one room apartment that. "Jessie felt her heart skip a beat at the topic. She thought about calling in but Chad was talking again."Boy, the phone lines are blinking tonight. Let's go to the first caller now and hear their story." The first time I saw my wife she was waiting tables. I saw her walking towards my booth and knew she would be mine. We've been married over twenty years and I love her today more than ever," the man said."Congratulations. Let's see what the next caller has to say. Go ahead with your story," Chad went on."CZ, it took me a while to admit I loved my boyfriend, but I knew right away. He made me smile just by walking into a room. The first time he told me he loved me I cried. I felt the truth in his words and saw it in his eyes," the caller told him."Thanks for sharing with us. Let's hear from another listener. You're on, caller." When I met my girlfriend, it was as if she lit up my entire world, just by smiling. I was waiting in line with hundreds of others for concert tickets to go on.
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