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Jill’s fingers trembled a bit as she passed the empty wineglass back to him. ‘I’d better not.’ ‘Business or pleasure?’ the man inquired. Jill furrowed her brow as she considered the question. What was this ‘arrangement’ anyway? ‘Business, I suppose.’ ‘Well, best of luck to you then,’ he offered before pushing his cart further down the narrow aisle to the next weary traveller. Jill pondered the question. The bravery or fool-hardiness of the past thirty-six hours melted away from her as the reality of the situation set in. For the past six weeks, it had all seemed so completely logical. She wanted to go home. She missed the military life that she had once shared with her husband. And her arms and heart ached with love. Her own sons grown, she had no one to whom she could give it all. Daniel’s wife was dead. Widowhood was just one of their common bonds. He had four daughters, just as she had four sons. Except that his daughters desperately needed the love that she had to give. . It wasn't as though I was continually caught up in the reality of mynew situation. I did masturbate a lot. I touched everywhere and Iwas often drawn to my mirror. Only in my apartment though, alone.Never at work or in public or somewhere, somehow in some obscene way.Even then, alone, I was reading magazines, watching TV. I kept up onthe daily reports and stay focused on the things I needed to getdone. But, still, sometimes, little moments would hit me. Like,watching TV, I'd realize what it meant, sitting there, doing my nailsbefore the next morning's meeting. Or frying a hamburger, I'd lookdown and see the shape of my breasts, the poke of my nipple, bra-lessin my t-shirt. I was gaining some semblance of control and understanding of thisbody. But I was continually experiencing new things that wereshaping myself as a person.It was exactly 5 weeks after the injection that I had my firstmenstrual period. That's not an ordinary experience, for any 30something year old woman.We.
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