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No Edna Mode for me, I would build my own suit – and no cape! Edna was right. Capes are dangerous.This was all a bit in the future, I rationalized as I stared at the swatches of fabric I'd cut of my three rolls. The rolls themselves were huge. I had enough to make a hundred costumes each, if that would have been the way it worked, which I already knew it would not.Tuesday afternoon I called ADT Security and asked to have a technician come out and take a look at what I wanted to protect. They said they could have someone out tomorrow afternoon. Next I called Darius."Hey, what's up buddy?" he asked when he picked up."Do you know who owns the properties adjacent to mine?" I asked."No, why? You having problems with the neighbors already?" he joked."No, in fact I don't see anyone living on the properties on either side of me. Its heavily wooded and undeveloped in both directions." Okay, then what do you need?" I'm thinking of buying them, if I can." What for, isn't your place big enough?". "If I had a penis I'd take it to parties"Stretch it and stroke it and shove it at smarties."I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay"I'd stuff it in turkeys on thanksgiving day."I'd sit like a guy, I'd straddle the chair."I'd play with my fly, albeit with care."I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets."Go to the movies with hands deep in pockets."If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain."I'd force it on females. I'd pee like a fountain."If I had a penis I'd still be a girl,"But I'd make much more money and conquer the world."[Stop! Stop! We're supposed to be researchers, not karaoke stars.][Then there's the codpiece and chaps look for Heavy Metal artists. So I suppose you have poetry or something, Holly?]WHY A SCIENCE TEACHER CAN'T STAND SOME POETRY[Well, as a matter of fact... Here's how Erica Jong's "Penis Envy" starts.]"I envy men who can yearn with infinite emptiness toward the body of a woman,"hoping that the yearning will make a child,"that the emptiness itself.
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