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-Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis DillerMy photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.-Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.-Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis DillerYou know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis DillerBest senior pick up line:A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.He was in his mid nineties.He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his. "Wait until you see the rest of the things that I bought. Did you see Tommy's tight leather pants and vest?" Trina nodded. "Well I think he's going to love this." And she pulled out a short black leather mini skirt, followed by a silk blouse and a black leather vest.She put on the silk blouse and her friend stopped her. "Samantha this is really awful of me, but if I were you, I would take off the bra."Samantha looked at her friend and shook her head side-to-side, but she didn't mean no. "Now who's being naughty?" They both laughed."Nobody will be able to see your breasts because you'll be wearing the vest. Just think how sensual the silk blouse will feel on your nipples." Trina!" Samantha said in mock censure. All the same it did seem like fun. She quickly pulled off the blouse, unhooked her bra and set it aside.Trina looked at her naked breasts and said shyly, "Samantha, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you have beautiful breasts. I wish I wasn't flat." Trina, give it time..
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