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The meeting seemed to drag on without any real progress. Goldie called about the same time the next night and said she had a busy day recording and was very tired. I asked why she was so late calling. She said she had gone to dinner with a bunch of the musicians and singers. I told her that she shouldn’t do that, she needed her rest. She said she wasn’t going to do it anymore. She didn’t call the next night. I called her suite and got no answer. I was worried, scared and pissed off. I had been really a bastard at the meeting and sick at heart all day. She called at about ten that night. She said she had fallen asleep the night before and was sorry she hadn’t called. I was a little short with her. I apologized and told her I had a very bad day and that I was sorry. The next day we made real progress and everything was agreed to in principal. The minions could finish the paperwork for the attorneys to read over and we could sign after that. Several of the people asked me out to dinner. That night, I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about it. The feeling was something I had never felt and as such, was something I was completely not used to. I had read romance stories and erotic stories, even liked some, but the idea that I could feel something even close to the feelings displayed in those books had never occurred to me. And I was scared of it. Something that for my whole life before then felt so foreign to me, started to become a part of me. I recalled all the times I rejected people in my life without giving it a second thought, all those times people tried to push their attraction on me through the guise of friendship. I became disgusted in myself, thinking that finally, I was just as bad as the rest of them. Months went by with just me one-sidely thinking about my situation. I would second guess the looks Walter gave me. Read too much into a single touch. Then think about how obsessive I was becoming. The cycle was painful and I didn't know what to do with all.
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