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And then his heart rate started to drop. It came back up in a few seconds, but it went down again with each contraction, and starting coming back to baseline more and more slowly. Finally, it did not come back up. I stood watching a line on a graph revealing my child’s mortal peril. The L&D staff hurried about their tasks with urgency and professional calm, preparing her for what was necessary. I need to be strong I told myself, she needs me to be calm and supportive. I looked in her eyes and started to stammer out those platitudes appropriate to the situation. I could see my fear reflected back to me, but she smiled, squeezed my hand and told me that this is what she deserved for marrying a man a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier. We laughed far harder than this weak jest merited. I love this scar. It speaks to me of that special courage of women, and of the particular courage of one woman. It was narrow and pink at first, but gradually faded to a shade just a bit lighter than her. This wasn?t my... we both wanted to...please, please, please tell me you weren?t that drunk, please!" He wasbegging, now, as he reached out to hold me, but I jerked away from himin complete revulsion."Don?t you fucking touch me, you sonofabitch!" I screamed as I ran intothe lounge, blind with rage and fear and the need to just get away.Mitch followed, begging me to calm down the whole time. "Donnie! Donnie!Stop! Please! Think back to last night! I didn?t... we talked and wedecided... I didn?t do anything you didn?t want me to do!" I could hearthat he was on the verge of crying, now, but all I wanted was to be awayfrom him. I ran to the hallway door and opened it, but the safety catchwas on, so it caught the door?s swing at just a couple of inches. Goodthing, too, or I would have been hysterical and running topless throughthe hallways."Donnie, come on..." Mitch tried to calm me down, but I was having noneof it! My adrenaline level was off the charts and I needed to get awayfrom him..
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