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" And now, look at you. You look like shit. You wear shit clothes, you barely take care of yourself. You've stopped seeing all our old friends. Stopped seeing anyone we ever knew. You've stopped seeing the ones who helped you create me. And why? Because you think I turned out too good, that I make you look plain, frumpy, ugly? That's your fault. Two years of operations and conditioning, all the hypnotic teaching tapes. And you can't stand it."I sat on the edge of the bed. "Was it my fault that Dan wanted me over you? Did I even know you had the hots for him? Where you ever honest with me? No, you just put on your domme persona and told me what to do. And I did it. Oh, no question about it, I loved almost every minute. Even the pain from the surgery was bearable because I knew it was what you wanted." And what do I get for my time and trouble? A new life. A completely new life. A lover, no lovers, who want me because of what I look like, not who I am. A cock-crazed slut that barely has. She didn’t want him to worry about her, didn’t want him to know just how far her self-hatred really went. How deeply rooted in her mind it really was. How every time anyone got just a little glimpse of it, they would tell her that she scared them. She couldn’t do that to him…. But she already had…. And she hated herself for that. She had scared him once already, let him see the one mark she had made, the first mark she had made in months. A mark she made because those feelings she tries to hide so deep came clawing back to the surface. Feelings she thought she had locked away for good. But feelings of being nothing, of being worthless, of feeling like trash are hard to lock away when it turns out they have a spark of truth in them. The mark that was mad, the mark he hates, was made because of her, was made so later more wouldn’t have to be done. She doesn’t want him to see anymore, doesn’t want to do it anymore, but her method is the base line, the first step, the least dangerous.
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