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On the theory that self-deprivation was good for me, I put on a loose pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and then I took the roll of film into the darkroom.I built the darkroom myself, by walling off a corner of the living room with fiberboard paneling. The hardest part was the plumbing. I had to break into the living-room wall and tap into the cold water pipe which heads to the bathroom. The building manager wasn't too thrilled when he found out, but since I'm already in the basement I can't flood anyone but myself, and he let it go.I closed the door behind me, and for a split second before I turned on the dim red light I was in absolute darkness. The inside space is about eight feet by six, and most of that is taken up by a row of sinks, metal shelves for supplies, and a big developing table. It's kind of cozy in there, with the dim lighting, the burbling flow of water in the sinks, and the familiar smell of the chemicals. I often spend hours in there fooling around with negatives,. With minimal makeup and no corset I felt wonderfully free as I raced through the faint mist and early morning chill. Yeah, it was stupid and sloppy but I really needed to just cut loose for a moment. From a distance basic shape and colour would be enough to make me look girlie; it's only up close that I would've been hard-pressed to pull off a convincing Cindy.I didn't bump into anyone. Near the end of my jog, as I warmed down from my effort, I had this sudden, intense sensation of being watched. As I stretched out front of the Cos residence I surreptitiously scanned my surroundings. Nothing. Reason told me I was being insane; my instincts told me something was wrong. I trust my instincts.Back in my room I dressed for the day, marvelling at how second-nature the whole process was becoming. I went for something sexy but sensible that day: a loose, flowing skirt and a light purple blouse with wide, flared collar, over which I pulled on a tight turtleneck sweater. Even with just.
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