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Well, that's not exactly true; I shared her with four other guys (a sign of things to come now that I look back on it).Pam was what my parents would call (and did until we got married) trailer park trash. She had an absolutely fantastic body and a pretty face to work with, and then she did all the wrong things with them. Her clothes were too short and too tight and seeing her dressed make you think of a hooker standing on a street corner. Her brown hair was dyed blonde and the roots always showed; she wore too much makeup, five pounds of gaudy jewelry, and she cussed worse than a drunken sailor.In spite of all these faults there was a certain deceptive innocence about her, something that made you want to take her in your arms and protect her. In most offices that I had ever worked in Pam would never even have been hired, which just goes to show that looks can be deceiving. She wasn't going to be hired by my firm either, except for a lucky accident. She was being interviewed by Alice,. Of course my parents had no idea of the turbulence that went through my heart at the sight of a beautiful youth. In the gentle gloaming of April I often deliberately chose the longer way home after school in order to pass the football field of the university and catch sight of the robust, youthful bodies of the football lads. The silhouettes of their running bodies in the dusk often evoked a sense of heroicism in me, that sense of golden masculinity, strong, powerful, ready to conquer the world, which I myself lack. At the age of fifteen, I was thin and had a rather pale, melancholic complexion. My natural air of melancholy was often mistaken for unhappiness caused by some trouble, hence my fellow students always tried to cheer me up in vain. I knew exactly the cause of this melancholy: I was in love, not with a particular person, but with the notion of love and masculinity. My burgeoning body longed to be touched, kissed, dominated. Its thirst demands to be quenched by a virile.
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