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The guy who had scarred my so badly eight years ago, it had taken until tonight to even let Jamie hold me close, to finally let his gentle touch caress my arms down to my palms, to let him entwine his fingers round mine. It will be fine. I promise. Dropping his hand I begin to pace, back and forth in front of the beautiful sun setting behind us, over the whale bone arch wed spend the last few moments cuddling under. My eyes not daring to look at him, not wanting to see the hurt look in his eyes. My heart says I love you. My body says I want to feel you inside me. My brain says youre going to hurt me. I dont know if I can let you do that. Knowing I wouldnt panic like I used he grabbed out for my hand, stopping me mid pace. I looked up into his eyes and saw everything, seeing that he was true and wouldnt hurt me, seeing that if I was unhappy with something he would stop, unlike my ex did so long ago when he attempted to push me into something I wasnt yet ready for. He didnt need to. I am here to be forgiven for hurting you back then and to do something about it –He said as I was struggling. As I stopped struggling, he released me and helped me sit on the bed. He said,– are you still hurt, Fareeda? –– no, Alex. Thomas massaged me on our way. Now I feel alright –– Well, I guess you should try to forget it –He said as he sat my he and smiled at me. His smile was a bit different. I asked,– what do you mean…try to forget it…? –– lemme show you. Take off your towel and lay on the mattress downwards –I did as he said and was looking at him. He took out an oil bottle from his pocket, and put out all over my back, and spread it with his palms.– so it is a massage, right?-– I am a professional masseuse. This is necessary to keep our women happy –He started massaging me. He seemed even better than Thomas.– oh, this feels good, Alex –After massaging my back over and over again for a few times, he turned me upwards. As he placed his hands on my boobs, I said,– do not hurt me.
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