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She said that 'if she's a dyke, Satan will get her.' That's not true, then?" Danielle expressed surprise at what I said, "Grandpa always preaches that it's a sin, but Aunt Michelle and Aunt Missy ... I've caught them kissing now and then, and not pecks on the cheek, either." Your Grandpa is a good man, but I don't agree with him about this, sweetie. I don't go to church because I don't believe in what they teach and preach there. I just disagree with it," I declared."Grandpa said that if you're not a believer, you'll go to Hell. Does that mean that you're going to Hell, Daddy?" Danielle wondered."No, kiddo, I'm not going to Hell. Can you keep a secret, baby?" I asked her."Sure, Daddy," Danielle answered."Hell is ... like Hansel and Gretel. Jack and the Beanstalk. Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny. It's a fairy tale, but meant to scare people into being good. Hell isn't real, baby," I explained."Oh, okay. There is no Hell. I'll keep that a secret for sure. Don't want the mean girls at. "Oh be quiet," She scolded. "Such a baby." Within a minute the fierce agony had become a slight stinging sensation, then she started to wax up a second strip of my leg.By the time she was finished my first leg I was getting through it with only a mild curse or two under my breath. By the end of the second it was nothing more than a quiet grunt. Then she had me turn on my belly so she could wax the backs of my legs, which hurt even more than the front, but I managed to remain nearly silent. Finally that ordeal was over, or so I thought, she even helped me up into a sitting position, but then to my dismay she started to apply the wax to the back of my wrist. Many minutes of the same pattern followed, wax; tear, wax; tear. This was followed by a slathering of my chest and underarms with shaving cream, and she set to work attacking me with a razor. Once she scraped away the last whisp of foam and with it the last of my chest hair she wiped me down with a warm damp cloth and then went to.
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