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Go to bed, my darling. Sleep tight and I'll see you in the morning."Lottë did not sleep tight. She was unable even to get to sleep. 'If I love him so much why am I so frightened? I know he won't rush me. He's said so and Mum said he would be gentle and loving and I know he will. So why am I being such a wimp because that's what I am? People say that making love is special and fulfilling and fun. Bloody Lawrence Baptistson was none of those! Those slobbery lips, that foul breath, his hands squeezing my boobs, his fingers groping me and then that great thing being forced into me. It hurt. God, it hurt! But Lawrence Bloody Baptistson wasn't Robin Stephens, my sweet, gentle, loving Robin. He won't treat me roughly. He won't hurt me. I know, I know, I know but I'm still frightened. I'm still revolted by the thought even though I know that's why I was born.'That triggered further thoughts. Her parents had done it, at least three times, and she had seen Daddy fondle Mum and they had loved. You don’t have to be sorry. I know you love me and now you love Gianna again. You’re bound to want to look after her. I understand that and I want you to as well. She’s so sad when she thinks about going back to him but she will won’t she?’ ‘Yes,’ I said sadly, ‘I’m afraid she will. It’s too much for her, to cast all that baggage away. I don’t like it but, well, I do understand. I just want her to be as happy as she can be. If she has my ring she’ll have me with her all the time. If I wear one as well it will sort of bind us together. I might make her feel better, more secure.’ She smiled, ‘I think it’s a lovely idea and I’m sure she’ll be very pleased. Where shall we go?’ ‘Let’s spend the day in Stresa shopping and lounging about.’ I smiled, ‘I need a rest. Phew, I’m worn out!’ She laughed, ‘She is keeping you busy isn’t she.’ Then she was serious, ‘Is it good. You’re not sorry are you?’ I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sorry, I was still worried about my feelings for Lena. I couldn’t.
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