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" No way Hose!" I said, "Me dogsbody, get dogsbody wages, you want main man you fucking well pay one!" "Oh very grown up," he said, "Blackmail, I suppose you realise if there is no concert there's no way we are going to be paid?" Now hang on!" I protested."Nothing personal," he said, "But the bottom line is if the show doesn't go on then none of us get paid." Great," I said, "My shift starts at half six, 'night." I explained and I switched the phone off.I figured a few hours in a stinking cell would sort the bitch out, you know she's the sort of bitch that gets bitches a bad name, all fucking sweetness and light with the fans and the whammo, "Who let those disgusting cretins in?" she would demand, as soon as they were gone.She had it all so easy, daddy was a big name in the business, so she did her obligatory degree in sociology, at some fifth rate University and next thing she's the latest big star, aided and abetted by Auto-tune as she couldn't hit a true note if her fucking life. I reached up and tilted the rearview mirror so that I could seemy face. I was pretending to look at my new femininely arched eyebrowsand wrinkles. I was doing that, but I also wanted to see an attractiveolder woman smoking a cigarette. And now I was that woman.My penis grew bolder at that thought. "Mom. I think we better get thatgaffe you were talking about," I said.Mom pulled into a well known adult book store called Planet 69. "I'm notpositive, but I think we might be able to find a gaffe for you here," shesaid as she parked the car."Have you ever been here before?" I asked as we got out of the car."Certainly not," my mother said with an air of distaste. "I've justheard that it has more than books."Books, I thought. Yeah. How many times had I used a book to cover up anunintended erection in school. I thought of myself walking around inpublic holding an adult book in front of my skirt."If nothing else, we can tape it back," my mother said as walked inside.It only took a.
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