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” Now she started talking fast, “I talked to Adriana about it, but I told her I couldn’t stand the thought of Ethan with another woman, so she said she was going to be gone this weekend and suggested I call you and ask if you’d spend a night… with me… in my bed,” her voice dropped to a whisper, barely audible, “and make love with me.”I sat on the couch unable to even think, unbelieving what I’d just heard. “Matt, you’re not saying anything.”“I’m sorry, Kayla, I’m just trying to think. You’ve hit me with kind of a surprise. I- I... don’t even know what to say.”“Just say you will, please, Matt. Ethan says he doesn’t even have to be here. He just wants me to experience another man. I’d tell him about it later, though.”God, I ran my hand through my hair. One of my major fantasies coming true, but now? I couldn't. I just couldn’t leave that TV. I asked her, “Kayla, did Adriana tell you where she was going this weekend?”She was still speaking softly. I wondered if Ethan was there, listening. Post heartbreak, work was my rehab, and I didn’t shy away from an odd one-night stand. What a glorious time to be a practicing feminist! Yet, something was missing. I ached for more, from my life, my work. The adventure began with relocating to London, to study and make new friends, to learn and make mistakes...but to explore sexuality was nowhere in the plot. I was introduced to a free-spirited Balkan dancer at an English pub at Islington. We got on famously, and among other things, discussed The English Patient. We flirted, and next thing I recall was saying yes to: ‘Can we meet for coffee?’.In the book of life, is there a chapter on chemistry between two same-sex people, and how does one decode it? I was trailing breadcrumbs—started with rummaging through memories of my past. As a 12-year-old, was my attraction to my best friend’s mother (who looked like Brooke Shields!) sexual? I began questioning my long-term relationship with my boyfriend, my carnal choices, my parents, my.
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