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The truth is, I wasn't heartbroken. Maybe I was trying to talk myself into some heartbreak because I was eighteen and everything is supposed to be dramatic at that age, but in the end I was more disappointed in and for Michael than I was personally distraught. There was sadness for my friend's angst, but it was tempered by my irritation that he'd spent so much time saying one thing and apparently feeling another. And further mitigated by the knowledge that, being Michael, he'd have someone else five minutes after he got off the plane at Great Lakes. As the afternoon wore into evening I spent more time grinning about my conversation with Nic than I did pining for lost love, and Nic had no trouble making me laugh every time he had a second to say hi.There was a break for dinner and another for splashing in the surf, but otherwise I just hung out on the patio or in my room with the french doors open to the patio until well after dark. That's where Nic found me when his day's work was. When we made love, it wasalways over very quickly and he never tried to please me in any way andnever showed any regard for my feelings. Consequently our marriage didn'tlast very long and we divorced after only a few years. Luckily, I had agenerous settlement which has allowed me to live here comfortably eversince. After we split up, I began to realise that my experiences with myex-husband had put me off men and I lost all desire to have physicalcontact with them. I didn't like their roughness and found myself becomingattracted to the softness and femininity of women.The trouble was that after trying out lesbian sex a few times I was stillleft with an incomplete feeling that I couldn't quite understand. Itslowly dawned on me that what I wanted was a feminine male and when yourmother's letter arrived intimating that you liked wearing girl's panties Iwas intrigued. I started to fantasise about how you would look dressed asa girl and the more I fantasised the more the desire to turn it.
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