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Gone forever. I walked over and stared into my broken mirror, my face streaked with tears. I didn’t even realize that I was crying. Who did I have now? Who will love me the way my mother had? Sam could never compare. Would he love me more or less now that he didn’t have my father to praise every little thing he did? Sam was eighteen and was about to go away to college. Would he still go? After that night, my life changed. I did, too. I wasn’t me anymore. I was somebody else. I was angry all the time, angry with everyone. All my friends were nearly afraid to talk to me. My teachers were afraid of what I’d do to them. I wasn’t me. One night at my house, all my friends were there. Francesca was there. She was always so pretty, but she didn’t like me that way. “Chris,” Francesca said. “We’re worried about you.” I sat down and gazed at her. “How come?” “Chris,” Francesca said. “You’re just not yourself lately. I know you’ve been through a lot and I know that’s probably the cause of the. I just knew it felt so right. There I was, 20 years later, responding to an ad online for some fun. It started as chat. I put a picture of my shiny black satin crotch up as my avatar and was immediately hit on by a handsome older man. I love girls, I love being with girls, I really wish down deep that I was a girl to eliminate all the mental cruelty I put myself through regarding my role sexually. I still love fucking girls, too. I love their smell, their mannerisms, their delicates, everything about girls is infinitely more appealing to me than men. I could fall face first into a hot pussy and melt into it for eternity. What a way to go, suffocated by hot pussy juice. When I really start feeling girly, though, I need a man. Roger was just this man. We chatted for a little amount of time before he invited me over. I eagerly got up and went to my car and rode to him. He told me the side door would be open and to come on in, that I could dress in the bathroom by the door before going.
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