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The second week we took one of the hirecars and explored the island. At one point he stood very close to thetop of a cliff and I just wondered whether......................I couldnot. I did not hate him enough to give him a push.That evening, while having drinks before dinner, we were joined by anAmerican couple. Carl was a jokey type and soon started pulling my legover my accent, asking whether I was related to the Queen and did Iknow her? Very silly. His partner said, "Don't take any notice of himhoney, he's always fooling about."We all went in to dinner and I noticed Gordon grew very silent, justdrinking more and more and fixing Carl with a stare. As soon as wecould, Gordon lead the way to our suite, holding tight to my arm.Inside the room he said, "On our honeymoon, and you had to flirt withthat idiot." I didn't," I protested, "I was just trying to be affable." Don't argue with me, I gave you everything. If I had a belt here Iwould give you a good whipping and put you in it." He. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from.
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There weresome things girls simply knew about themselves that gave them confidencebeyond their years. Shelly wore her mother's face, an exact likeness ofit. They were in fact, mirror images of each other from their heads totheir toes. The likeness was startling. Some years before, her mother had agreed to do an interview in New, NewYork and Shelly had gone with her to see what it was like to be on a VIDstudio during the digital broadcast of a live show. When they arrived,Michelle had excused herself to go to the ladies room before gettingprepped for the show. When the previous guest had not materialized fortheir segment, studio techs had grabbed Shelly, escorted her in a bumsrush to a seat in the middle of the stage and began to apply anti-shinemake up to her face. "Wait," she had protested! "I think you've made a" *POOF* She had beencut of by a large soft powder puff to the face. Shelly had coughed andchoked on powder for several seconds. "Someone want to bring Mrs. Shipley.

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