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In those considerations, the mosaic doesn’t lose either of you, but your meshing shifts and realigns in a new way. But you never disappear from it. You are a part of us and always will be.” I got up off Tim and pulled him up. Helen and Mom followed suit and we came together. Mom had an arm around Helen and Tim, they put theirs around Mom and me. Mom was the one I was most concerned might be offended at the turn in the discussion but it was something Tim and I had, in fact, discussed, as he stated. Mom was quiet but then looked up smiling at each of us, “I understand. And, if I look deep inside me, I think you are very accurate. I wanted to be offended at first that for some reason I gave you a reason to question my commitment. But I know that isn’t it at all. I can’t imagine anything causing me to ever want to not be a part of this wonderful family structure we have. And, that includes with you, Helen. But, Tim and my daughter know me very well. I am a traditional woman with. ." My sister found me on the front steps with my face in my hands. I felt her hand on my shoulder, and I could hear the concern in her voice. I didn't want her to see me crying, but I just felt so damn confused about what I was feeling."What is wrong, Jerry? Please don't shut me out, why are you crying?" I knew she was genuinely concerned for me, but what could I tell her? I was at the point where I just wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her; how badly I wanted to kiss her, touch her, to make love to her."Shanna...I don't know what's wrong with me, I really don't. I don't want to make you feel bad, I love you so much. Please don't take the way I'm acting personally, I think I'm just going insane." I managed a wry laugh, but I definitely was feeling anything but happy.My sister sat down beside me on the step, and began caressing my hair."Don't be sad, Jerry...I know you're worried about school and stuff, but everything will be ok." She kissed me.
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