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Meditation was part of his cure. Self-hypnosis. Allowing the compartments within his mind to empty and to be processed.He tightened each group of muscles in his body and then let them relax, all while concentrating on his breathing. Even as he held the image of the stunted bull’s eye in his mind, he pictured a square – the square of his breathing. Long breath in to form one side, holding it to form another, long breath out to form the third side and completing the square with another hold.It was repetition. Circles. Squares. Focusing on the relaxation of his muscles and the perfection of his breathing, he felt himself drop into the hidden place within him, the place where the human and animal sides of his nature warred with each other and where all of the countless compartments of his mind resided.He had not dealt with his cousin’s death. He had not allowed himself to feel the totality of the loss. To grieve was to acknowledge it. It made it real to him. He didn’t want it to be real –. Unke haath laganepar bhi mera khada nahi ho raha tha.“Par Meghaji ko meri zaroorat hai. Mujhe unko madat karni chaahiye,” maine socha. Fir aankhe band karke maine Chandni ke baare me sochne laga. Mera lund turant khada ho gaya. Unhone meri pant kholi aur mera lund bahar nikal liya. Fir woh use muh me le chusne lagi.Maine apni aankhe bandh rakhi. Kafi pyarse dheere se Meghaji mera lund choos rahi thi. Unke muh ki garmahat ko mehsoos kar bohut achha lag raha tha. Main apne sapno ki nagari mein khoya hua tha, meri pari Chandni ki nangi baahon mein. Kaash aisa kabhi sach mein ho.Main kareeb tha, kabhi bhi meri pichkari nikalne waali thi. Maine Meghaji ko kaha, “Rukiye, muh nikaliye.”Par woh ruki nahi. Woh chusti gayi aur fir achanak maine Meghaji ka muh apne jhaag se bhar diya. Unhone pura ka pura nigal liya. Us haadse ke baad mujhe nahi lagta main Meghaji ko usi purani nazar se dekh paunga.Fir main nikla, Vinayak Rao ke gharse. Ghadi mein char baj rahi the. Tab bhi mujhe samajh nahi aa.
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