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After swallowing he said, ‘She told me all along she didn’t want to have sex with me because she was under eighteen and it was illegal.’ ‘Can I be frank?’ He looked at her warily. ‘Um, sure?’ ‘I always thought she treated you like shit, but I didn’t say anything because you seemed happy. I thought you broke up with her because you finally got wise.’ ‘She did treat me like shit,’ he agreed. ‘We’d go to parties or dances, and she’d say she needed to talk girl-talk with her friends. So she’d go off and leave me wondering what to do with myself. I was so happy to be dating the most popular girl in school, I ignored it. Then I got wise the hard way.’ He scraped his bowl and licked the spoon. ‘And… there’s more.’ ‘Worse than sleeping with your best friend?’ ‘Uh huh. She had daddy issues. Is there more ice cream?’ ‘Help yourself. What Daddy issues?’ He rose and went to the freezer, bringing the carton back with him. ‘Her dad kind of ignored her. She really tried to find ways to get him to. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm.
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