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I had the water as hot as I could stand and I had taken some sleeping pills. I stared with fascination at the light glinting off the edge of the razor blade. It was one of those single sided blades that I used to use for crafts. It was bad, really bad, what had happened on our trip to Cancun, to paradise. I still had nightmares of that night on the beach south of Playa Del Carmen. Then last week I had missed my second period. I worried about it and finally got a pregnancy kit at the drug store. I took the test in the upstairs bathroom and couldn’t believe the results. Crying a little, I went back to the drugstore to get another kit – hoping the first one might have been defective. When the results were the same I felt like my life was over. All my plans for school, my plans for life were gone. I knew I couldn’t face the future so I took the pills and found the old razor blade. I was having trouble focusing on the sharp, shiny edge – it seemed to be jumping around, the bathroom. With Kathy. With Pam; and oh boy with her! With kissing all the girls in the sauna. I spent the last nine years with you basically as your second girlfriend. Is it so hard to see me being OK as the first?”I smiled, “No, not at all. And by the way, Kara really liked that kiss.”“She made it clear that she’s available to us if we want her to join us,” Bethany said. “But I know your discomfort because of what happened with her and Joyce.”“It’s something I’d have to really think about. I’d be somewhat concerned about her reaction to it.”“And that’s why all of us are open to trying things with you - you’ll protect us, even from ourselves.”“True, but I didn’t do that with Kara,” I said.“You did your level best. She broke her own rule by being with Joyce when you weren’t there. There’s not much you could do about that.”“I could have set clear limits for her since she didn’t know how to do that.”“No, you couldn’t! That’s what her dad and pastor did and it was a like a straitjacket. If you had.
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