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Did they come together?" No, they showed up a day or so apart. We needed drivers at that time and Jess, the former owner, hired them."Ruth said, "I see where you ran their names and social security numbers through the local police department. Do you do that with all employees?"Mary, the admin lady said, "No, but since these were going to be driving, I wanted to know if they had a decent driving record." Are they out making deliveries now?" I asked that, thinking I could talk to them when they came in at night."Three are, but one took off today for a doctor's appointment. He should be in tomorrow if you need to see him." Who handles the delivery schedules?" That's Jorge," Mary said. "He's the one out by the rear door where the on-site mechanic's room is."Ruth pulled her notes and said, "You know Jorge is an illegal don't you? We have to get him a green card if you think he's worth keeping."Mary was surprised, "No way, the man has a social security card and number. How did you find out. .. by the time I realized what he had done, I had already been with him without the added 'help'... and that just made me feel I then had no right to protest. After all... I'd willingly been with Bill by then, so what difference did it really make?Now... I was alone, sad, and very lost. I'd felt used up before, not ever knowing exactly how that felt. I was on a thin line. Depression and unbidden, dark, troublesome thoughts often entered my mind, thoughts that I had talked to my doctor about. She pushed for me to take some drugs for that... but I felt I needed to feel this pain... for a while at least. To make sure I remembered just what I had thrown away.It was a dangerous game I was playing with myself then. One that could end up with me dead and gone. I walked that line, the edges of it drawing me in and out many times a day. I thought deep down that if I lost John forever, I would rather be out of my misery than have to face myself each day.When John called me that night, having.
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