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Her acceptance of me for who I am, and my acceptance of her. I tried to see myself without the love I feel and was unable. I tried to see myself living without the thrill and excitement she provides and find I am unwilling. So even in the early days, when there was bitterness and rebellion, anger and hostility, I would stay. Back then I would sometimes sulk and pout, or at least try to. But she always won me over. She closed the door and came to my chair, running her hand through my hair, caressing my head and cooing soft soothing sounds. ‘Who’s my dirty boy?’ she asked, kissing the top of my head. ‘Hmm? Who’s my perverted nasty boy? Who loves his dirty wife?’ ‘Me,’ I whispered, ‘you know it’s me.’ Our conversations hadn’t always been this way. There had been months, at the beginning, when they were filled with recrimination and anger, hostility and resentment and jealousy. The jealousy lingers, of course, and she makes certain that my shame remains sharp and intact, honing it like a. I am walking while I talk and I didn?t look andjust stumbled. No big deal."Gina held my other ear. No! I tried to escape her grip."Ouch, ouch, ouch. Oh Jason. I need to sit down. I can?t keep on runningaround while talking to you. I stumbled again."Gina put another stud in."Man, are you kidding me? What is going on with you?"Now Gina started to put my hair in rollers. I started to hyperventilate."Please stop, please stop. I can?t take it anymore."Just then Jasmin took the phone out of my hands."Hi. Jason? Yes, this is Jasmin, Gary?s new girlfriend. I couldn?t helpbut overhear your conversation. No, don?t worry he is fine. I thinkbetter than ever."She grinned at me. Then continued."You know Gary isn?t the same like you know him back from school. I meanI don?t know how long you haven?t seen each other. So let me explain.Gary, let?s say has gotten in touch with his feminine side which Irather like. To tell the truth I love to have a feminine man at my side,and let me tell you Gary is.
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