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Mr. Rogers spoke on. "So until your penis is well on the way to a full recovery, it's important that we prevent any erections that you might have - nocturnal and otherwise." How is that possible?" I asked. Mr. Rogers reached into a drawer and retrieved a plastic-coated diagram showing a cross-section of the male reproductive organs. He placed it on the desktop and spun it around so I could clearly see it. The picture had enough detail to frighten small children.Mr. Rogers used his silver pen as a pointer. "These muscles here control a kind of valve which holds blood in the spongy tissues of the penis. This is what causes an erection. You've probably heard of Viagra, which helps to contract these muscles in men with erectile problems." I know about Viagra," I told him. "I think everyone knows what it's for."He gave a curt nod and continued. "About ten years ago it was noted that a certain type of anti-depressant drug had an unexpected side-effect - it relaxed these muscles instead. It. I’d held my cards close to my chest for so long, afraid to show what I’d been holding. Carrie’s silence urged me on, a silence I felt I could fall into like an embrace, a silence that waited to accept me. It was strange to realize how much I suddenly wanted to lay my cards on the table and tell the world about the hand I’d been dealt. “What is… all this?” She started the words for me, her fingers gingerly touching the gel in my hair, falling to trace down the tie on my chest. Her eyes passed over the suit I wore, lingering on places that were no longer familiar. “My name is Annelle,” I said. “But inside I have always been an Andrew.” “Oh,” she said, an exhalation, a realization. “I…” What could I say? Here was the woman I had loved, still loved, and I was telling her that I wasn’t the woman she had been loving all along. “All those nights you said you were busy or tired?” she asked. “I was out, dressed like this, trying to convince the world – and myself – that I could be.
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