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We became romantically involved as much out of laziness as out of lust. Neither of us cared to invest the necessary time to search for the perfect partner, so we settled for close enough for right now. After we moved in together, I would joke that I was “robbing the cradle” when I took her to bed. She would always laugh and respond, "I guess that would make me a grave robber."A few things attracted me to Darlene. The first was her personality. She was so easy going that I once tried to give her the nickname “Lake Placid.” Still waters run deep, and it didn't end well."Okay, Dennis, that was a twofer." The book she was reading sailed across the room, missing my head by less than an inch."Watch it; you nearly hit me! What the hell is a twofer?" A twofer is the first and last time something happens. I hate nicknames. Why the fuck would I want to be named after a stagnant pond?" Her smile was a weird combo of mischief and annoyance. I took pet names off my to-do list.The other thing was. It took me a minute before I caught my breath, as I was coughing and choking on the last swallow of water.“Damn you!” I barely managed to get out. “You got me twice!”“I take it people don’t usually catch you out?”“No, they don’t. But you’re taking advantage of my caution because of your concern about dual relationships.”“Not fighting fair?”“And speaking of cursing, please don’t use that extremely offensive word.”“What?”“There is exactly one word which is banned from my house and that is the ‘f’ word. And it’s not ‘fuck’! In fact, I’m OK with Jesse saying ‘Fuck you!’ to me if he has good cause, which someday he will, but I am NOT OK with him saying ‘fair’.”“Whoa!” Mary said, shaking her head. “I haven’t seen you that vehement about anything! What’s wrong with that word?”“It’s used by whiners who can’t get what they want by their own efforts and demand that they be given special treatment. The phrase ‘not fair’ is nearly always used when someone wants a deus ex machina where the results.
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