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That had been bad. I remembered the way I had cried when my buddy threw himself on a grenade to save me during the war. That had been bad, too. I thought about how I had considered killing myself when I had shot up a hut that was supposed to have housed enemy snipers, only to find the bodies of women, children, and babies inside. That had been really bad. I remembered getting to the hospital just after they had pronounced my father dead of a heart attack. I hadn’t cried much at the time, but he had been my best friend, maybe my only real friend. I cried harder when I remembered the hot tears of rage and loss I had shed when my wife and toddler daughter had been killed by a drunk driver. That was over ten years ago. Sometimes, I still cry a lot about them. These tears were more bitter than any of the others. Amazing, in a way. Selfish. The phone rang again. I could feel the re-bar in my arm tearing new meat as I pushed myself to reach the phone. I touched it. It felt good. It felt. And I can see that mom does the same to grandma Janine. Something about us all being unable to speak now, and a bit ?lost? in the preparation is making us all a little cruel. Did I start this I wonder? And I discover it’s not that easy to breathe while my mouth is stuffed with that huge rubber ball. I fight to breathe through my nose. I hope we figured this out correctly . . . but it’s too late to say anything!Now that we’re all gagged, we work together to get the pulleys securely mounted on the beams. We bolt them on, we’ve brought all the tools we’ll need for everything, including a ladder to reach the beams. We get the tub with the soaking straps and throat loops in it, and dump it all out. Then each rope in turn is threaded through a pulley and secured to the stakes we had previously driven into the ground for that purpose. The ends hang ready, with a metal ring at the end of each so it can be locked to each of our throat loops. We’re all beaded with perspiration and can feel the.
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