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But, at least they can say they've played there.St Mellion? Oh of course, dear boy, play there all the time.TPC Sawgrass? Yep, been there too. (Only on the Nintendo though).And so on. Lying bastards!I am no exception, sad to say. Related below is a blow by blow account of my miraculous game at Hindhead Golf Club, in the wilds of Surrey. Did you know it's a qualifying course for the open? Well it is or was and that should give you a clue about the degree of difficulty faced. (Bet you're hooked now eh?)Now, I am not going to give you all eighteen holes worth of tragedy, bad luck and mis-fortune suffered while in the company of two very good players, but I will relate a truncated and précis version, cutting out the swear words and many of the errant shots.Hole 1. Played off the yellow tees. Par 4. 401 yards long. Straight ... ish.The tee shot needs to have at least a 200 yard carry to get over the purple heather in front of you and down both sides of the fairway. My drive was anything. "What do you mean... ?" he started to ask, but she interrupted him impatiently."I mean I want to feel you deep in my body at the front making my babies," she said, not at all the shy, frightened bride he had expected on the second day of their honeymoon, "This sucking and last night's using my sit-upon may be good for you, and I won't refuse you, but there will be time enough for that when you have proved you can make me a baby."Ernesto detected the voice of his mother-in-law in this pronouncement and was about to protest that he was the master of the family, and he would decide what they did and when, when a voice behind him said, "We'll take care of that for you."Turning he was confronted by two of the largest black men he had ever seen. The nearest one hit him, and as he flew across the room, Ernesto's last thought before he crashed into the wall and lost consciousness was that he was about to die.When he recovered his senses he realised he was firmly tied to one of the posts at.
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