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My mind wasn’t right….to accept your gift for life. “I wonder if he will really see the new me…the changed me,” I think to myself. Life had not been the easiest for me until I met you, and until that point, I had chosen to play the victim and retreat so that no one could touch me…..touch my mind or soul. Sure, sex was good….but it was just that….sex. Nothing more, nothing less. The intimate times came few and far in between, and I pulled away each time someone tried to get close. I just couldn’t bear the thought of letting anyone in. As I pull into your driveway and turn off the car, I take a deep breathe to try to settle my nerves. I want this time to be the one….the one where I give you all of me…every last part….mind, body, and soul. Pulling the key out of the ignition, I open the door and step out into the cool air. Walking the short distance to your door, I tell myself that this WILL be the day….WILL be the time…that I show you just how much you truly mean to me. It’s now or. I can do for her and child, can bring food and other things, can...”He was fumbling for a word, and I could see where this was going. “Provide for them?” I said as gently as I could.“Yes,” he went on. “Can provide for them. Here you tell me of money and how it is needed for all things, and you say one may get this money through work. But I do not work, you tell me I cannot without this ID, and even when I can work I think I have no skill that is useful in this place, I will receive only little money. I cannot provide even for you now, it is you who provide for me, and surely I will not be able to provide for child.”“Well, there won’t be a child, at least not until we’re ready,” I told him. And then I did explain about birth control. But that wasn’t all he’d said.“Hugo, I don’t want you to worry about me ‘providing for you, ‘“ I said. “This is my world you’re in, I was born to it and you weren’t, you don’t know about it yet, and until you do it has to be that way. I do have skill in.
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