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He sought out therapists and talked it out with them for years; he meditated; he read self-help books--"Letting Go," "Surviving the Loss of a Love," "Moving On"--but her ghost walked with him still. When he looked for pictures of naked women in magazines or on the Internet, he always found himself keeping or downloading the ones that looked like or reminded him of Carol in some way. Sometimes he was even conscious of it; but better to masturbate to pictures of models who resembled her than to the things that he had actually seen and done with her. That road led to madness and death, he knew. He had been too far down it too many times not to. He limped through his life like a man with one leg gone. The smallest things were so much effort; it was hard to care about anything. What was the point? It was a struggle to care enough to brush his teeth. He once described losing Carol, to one of his therapists, as being very much like losing an arm or a leg; you adjust, you live with it, you. ”Fred looked around, which was silly because they were in an abandoned shed. They weren’t supposed to be here of course, but some kids in the neighborhood used it as an unofficial clubhouse; Fred had just been clued in. With nobody else here, it made the perfect meeting place.“OK,” the boy said, almost whispering, “Now I snuck this here from Waipahu and I ain’t showed it to anybody in this neighborhood. You’re the only one.”Frida nodded. She didn’t know what the Big Secret was, but if Fred hadn’t even shown Greg it was something huge. But when the boy opened the box he had with him Frida felt a sting of disappointment. Nothing against Conan the Barbarian or surfboards, but a comic book about the first and a catalog for the other didn’t seem all that special and secret to her.“OK,” the teenage boy told the teenage girl, “now look what I got hidden here.”Fred set the two objects on a box, lifted the over-sized Conan comic and opened the surfing catalog. Inside the cover was no catalog,.
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