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I also became less and less, a figure at my own home. I was spending afternoons after school, and many weekends, helping Janice at their home, with her housework. I tended the babies, so that she could go out shopping alone, to have some free time, for herself.What was important for my development at that time was my infatuation for them, as a family. Janice became my role model.With them in my life, I finally saw the light shining at the end of the tunnel, and my mother could do nothing about it. Janice (her fantasy daughter) was my protector. Janice could do no wrong, and if Janice wanted me there, I had to be there. Their house became my haven against the cruelties of my family, and the outside world.Ted became my image of what a real man should be like. I revolted slowly and totally against the image my father and brother presented. The mental image I have even today of a father... my father, is the image of Ted. I haven't seen him now in years, but many times during these last. I turned back towards my house, wondering if any of the other kids we played with were doing anything tonight. Most of my friends had money for things like the carnival. If they didn't, they could ask their parents for some money.The reason I worked so hard to have spending money was because my parents didn't have any extra to give me or my brother to waste on unnecessary things. We got all the necessary things, but little more.I got back to my house a few hours later. I'd played some baseball over at the ball field, but none of my other friends wanted to go to the carnival that evening. Jimmy was sitting on my front porch when I got home. He wasn't smiling."You almost ruined everything by being so cheap, Paulie."I refused to comment on what he was saying. Instead, I opened my front door as I walked by where he'd been sitting. I went to the staircase, and walked up to my room. My brother and I shared a bedroom in what was now a converted attic. It was hot in the summer and cold in.
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