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‘You’re feeling sorry for yourself, that’s all.’ Brave words, even if they are true. Well, almost all true. Memories of how much the person suffered. Memories not yet been buried. Regret for their lost years, for the life they might have had. Opportunities to love and be loved. There’s reason enough to feel sorry for the one who has died. But mostly it’s self-pity. Right? Right? Right. What I need is food. Can’t live on coffee and whiskey. Did I say ‘live’? Shit, Dave. Get a grip. Have another cigarette. Peg’s only vice. She gave up dozens of times but kept coming back to it. Her dependence was more psychological than physical. Growing up we smoked because cigarettes were cheap and smoking was the socially acceptable thing to do. Even expected. A real ice-breaker when making or greeting friends. ‘How are you Bob? I’d like you to meet Rachel. Like a cigarette? What you been up to? Have another cigarette. Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.’ I never could give up the weed either. Not. C. said, “Not again.”Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.After numerous rounds of, “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”George W. Bush and his VP running mate, Dick Cheney, were.
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